


I Can Hear the Sirens

by Bara_no_Uta



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Nightmares, Post Episode: s02e18 Ace Reporter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 05:31:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10735131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bara_no_Uta/pseuds/Bara_no_Uta
Summary: “What if it’s my destiny? What if, as a Luthor, I’m just… destined to hurt everybody around me and destroy everything I touch?”“Then I’ll remind you of how many amazing things you’ve done, and how much more than just ‘a Luthor’ you are.”





	I Can Hear the Sirens

**Author's Note:**

> I just have so many feelings after this episode. Lena has been through so much and she deserves the world.

            Lena had a nightmare that night. When she woke up she was in a cold sweat, Kara’s screams of pain still ring in her ears, and she quickly turned on a lamp just to get out the mental image of a sickly green glow. Her chest felt like it was on fire and she could swear she was suffocating. Her body was shaking, and all she knew was that she needed to make sure that Kara was okay.

            And that was why Kara was woken up by her phone ringing at just after two o’clock in the morning. She was awake immediately, because nobody would call her at this hour unless it was extremely important. When she saw it was Lena, she became even more worried. “Hey, what’s up?”

            Lena put a hand over her face as she barely held back her tears. “I just really needed to hear your voice,” she confessed, voice hitching and breaking. “I had a nightmare… I needed to know that you’re okay. I’m sorry for waking you.”

           “No, that’s fine. I’m glad you called.” The pause after she spoke was interrupted by a sharp breath from Lena, and that was when she focused on listening and heard how fast Lena’s breathing was. “Do you want me to come over? Or to come over here?”

            She was almost scared that she shouldn’t trust herself around Kara, and yet… She nodded, scarcely able to get words out, before she realized she would need to actually answer out loud for Kara to know it. “Yes.” Her shoulders trembled harder as she added a desperate, “Please.” She knew that Kara could get here far faster than she could get to Kara’s.

            “Okay, I’m gonna be there really soon,” she promised. “…But I’m gonna stay on the phone.” Kara paused long enough that Lena had the opportunity to object if she really wanted to for some reason. When there was nothing but uneven breaths on the other side of the line, she spoke up again, coaxing, “Lena? Do you think you can take some deep breaths for me?”

            Lena nodded and tried her best. In through the nose and out through the mouth.

            “You’re doing good,” she said, already flying on her way. “It’s okay to be scared, but I promise, you’re safe.”

            She put the phone on speaker so that she could hide her face in her hands, knees pulled up to her chest as she tried to keep herself some semblance of together. At least until Kara was actually here.

            “Try to keep breathing. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” It was true. She probably _shouldn’t_ be flying, because she would get there suspiciously quickly, but she just couldn’t not. Lena needed her.

            “I’m trying.”

            “I know. You’re doing well.”

            Neither of them knew quite what else to say, so they said nothing until,

            “I’m at your door.”

            Lena exhaled a soft sigh of relief. “Alright. I’m on my way.” Feeling silly to take her phone with her, she ended the call and placed it back on her nightstand.

            As soon as the door was open, Kara pulled Lena into a tight hug.

            Lena pressed close, returning it every bit as tightly as she let her face rest on Kara’s shoulder. “Thank you for coming.”

            Kara shook her head. “It’s what friends do.”

            Lena’s breath was coming easier now, and she wasn’t shaking anymore. She still didn’t think she was going back to sleep tonight, but she felt worlds better than she had when she first woke.

            “Do you want to sit down?” Kara asked softly, guessing Lena was probably exhausted, even if adrenaline might be masking it for now. “We could sit on the couch, or maybe your bed in case you feel like you might be able to fall back asleep.”

            “That would be nice.” Reluctantly, she pulled away. Just so they could relocate.

            Kara closed the door, then followed Lena. …To her bedroom. As she looked around, she couldn’t help but to blush. She was in Lena’s bedroom. That shouldn’t matter to her, right? But it did; it flustered her nonetheless. There were more important things than the fluttering in her stomach, though, and one look at Lena was enough to make her forget everything but reassuring her.

            Kara got onto the bed, laying down and motioning for Lena to do the same.

            It was almost shyly that she did. Lena wasn’t sure what Kara had in mind, but she trusted her more than enough to go along with it.

            She kept motioning Lena closer, until their bodies were practically touching, and then she put her arms around her, guiding Lena’s head to her chest. “Um, tell me if this isn’t comfortable for you,” she murmured, suddenly acutely aware of where Lena was in relation to her breasts, “but I just thought… You said you were worried about me, and I thought listening to my heartbeat might help.” She couldn’t tell Lena yet that the reason she had the idea was that she listened to the heartbeats of her loved ones when she was worried, be it about them or in general. It was different, because she didn’t need to put her head on someone’s chest to hear their heartbeat; she could be miles away, and if it was one of theirs, she could still focus in on it.

            “I don’t mind it, but is it comfortable for you?”

            Kara began stroking Lena’s hair. “Yeah.”

            She gave a soft hum of contentment, her body finally relaxing again. The steady rhythm of Kara’s heart was reassuring, as was having her hair stroked. It gave her something else to think about. Something other than her fears.

            It was a relief that this seemed to be helping. She just wanted to… She wasn’t even entirely sure, but anything she could do to help Lena, she would do in an instant. Like she wanted to just take away all her pain and help her feel better. “Just so you know,” she started softly, “you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but… if you do want to, I’m happy to listen.”

            _You don’t think it’s silly that I’m this upset over just a dream?_ She knew the answer before she even opened her mouth. Kara… would never think her feelings were silly. “I want you to know. But… give me a little longer?”

            “Of course. Take as long as you need.”

            Lena allowed herself to wait a while longer, until finally, the dream didn’t feel so vivid anymore. “I had a nightmare that I hurt you,” she whispered.

            “Oh, Lena…” Kara pulled her into a tight hug. “I know you would never do that.”

            “What if it’s my destiny? What if, as a Luthor, I’m just… destined to hurt everybody around me and destroy everything I touch?”

            “Then I’ll remind you of how many amazing things you’ve done, and how much _more_ than just ‘a Luthor’ you are.” She started to stroke Lena’s hair again, trying to help her stay grounded.

            It helped. It helped more than she knew how to communicate right now, but she was still _scared_. Almost more on an intellectual level than an emotional one, and that was even more disturbing to her than if it was her emotion – if she was _having_ an emotion, outside of when she had first woke up, that would have seemed much more normal to her than this complete numbness, only intellectually aware of the fear inside of her. “What if you can’t get through to me? Like how Clark and Superman and I, none of us could get through to Lex?” It was pretty much a farce to pretend she thought Clark and Superman were different people, but she just didn’t want to have that conversation right now. There was too much else and she was too exhausted and cold.

            “That won’t happen. You’re different from him, Lena.” Technically, she didn’t know Lex. But she knew Lena, and she knew Lena’s heart wasn’t that of someone who could do what Lex did.

            For just a moment, a pang hit her of all the loss she had experienced in her life. But she couldn’t acknowledge it. To let herself do so would mean risking getting completely swept away, and as a Luthor, she couldn’t afford to let herself do that. “He wasn’t always like that.” Lena shifted off of Kara so that she could look at her, eyes pleading with her to understand.

            Even as she moved away, Kara offered her hand for Lena to hold. She could tell that the conversation was going to get heavier, and she wanted Lena to know that she was there to support her through it.

            “He used to just be my brother,” she said softly, her eyes becoming wet. “Maybe there were some warning signs, but he- he always stood up for me. He did what he could to protect me from Lillian… He secretly celebrated the anniversary of my adoption with me, even though that day only reminded her of how much she wished I wasn’t there… He did good things, too, back then. I never would have thought he was capable of killing – at least not until it was too late.”

            Lena having pulled away was the only thing that stopped Kara from pulling her into the tightest hug she could in that moment. Instead, she rubbed the top of Lena’s hand with her thumb. She wished she knew what to say, but she wasn’t sure words would help right now anyway.

            “I never thought he was capable of killing, and then he went and killed all of those people… so what does it say about me, now that I’ve effectively killed _twice_?”

            At that, Kara couldn’t resist wrapping her arms around Lena again, holding her close. It wasn’t a question she could answer easily. Lena had had very valid reasons for shooting Corbin, and there really hadn’t been any choice other than to kill Jack by that point, but as Supergirl she always held onto the belief that there was always a better way. “In this case, it says that you’ve had to make some _very_ difficult choices.”

            “Should I be scared that I don’t feel guilty?” she asked, pressing closer into the one and only person she could trust with these feelings.

            “No.” It was her honest, gut response. “You saw that Corbin – an assassin – was about to kill the agent who saved your life and instinctively did the only thing you could think of to stop him from killing her. You’re not Supergirl who could just grab somebody and not have to worry about weapons. You’re human.”

            That felt nice to hear. Just… that she was human. Sometimes she felt like ‘Luthor’ was such a curse that many people didn’t even see her as a human.

            “And—… About tonight…” She rubbed Lena’s back, knowing that this was referring to a much more recent wound. “He wasn’t himself anymore. And I don’t think there was anything that anyone could have done to save him.”

            “What if I hadn’t thought I could help? What if I had let Supergirl take me to safety and let her handle the situation without me to worry about or distract her?”

            Technically, there was no way Kara should have been able to know the details of what had happened with Supergirl were she not the same person, but that slipped her mind. “I honestly think that even Supergirl would have been in over her head alone. What if you had done that and she was still trapped? There wouldn’t have been anyone to save her.” She nuzzled against Lena as she reminded her, “You saved Supergirl. Again.”

            For the first time since losing Jack, she felt warmth in her for a positive reason. It didn’t stay long, though. “I should have listened to you instead of going to see him. If she hadn’t had to rush in and save me, maybe Supergirl could have come up with a plan.”

            Lena had said she didn’t feel guilty for letting Jack die, but Kara was beginning to wonder whether that was true, deep down. Maybe in both cases it was more that she didn’t regret her decision to save who she had. For now, she tried to imagine that she would have done upon realizing Beth was actually behind it if Lena hadn’t been there. No, things would have ended up the same – only, she might have been in a whole lot more trouble. “I think Supergirl still would have rushed in when she realized who was really behind it. Two people died because she wasn’t able to protect them; I’m sure she was desperate to make sure that didn’t happen to anybody else.”

            “It’s not her fault,” she murmured. She was fully aware that she was talking to Supergirl, but she didn’t think it was her place to be the one to bring that up, so she continued to pretend not to know. “Even with all of her powers, she isn’t all-knowing, nor can she be in multiple places at once. I’m sure it must be horrible for her when she isn’t able to save someone, but… for example, even the most skilled, talented, and practiced of paramedics can’t save everyone.” She ran a hand through Kara’s hair. “Thinking about it now, I’m sure she must feel a lot of pressure as National City’s hero, and because she can do so many things that humans can’t. But it just isn’t realistic for her to expect herself to be perfect, or to be able to save everybody.”

            Kara was glad Lena couldn’t see her face right now, because there was no explanation as to Kara Danvers would be tearing up when they were talking about Supergirl. She nodded, trying to keep her voice steady as she said, “I’ll tell her you said that. I’m- I’m sure it would mean a lot to her.”

            Her hands continued to move through Kara’s hair, hoping it helped. She could tell her words had affected Kara, and she hoped they were helpful to her in some way.

            She wondered for a moment whether Lena knew. But whether she did or didn’t, this further solidified what she already was certain of. Even after everything Lena had been through, she truly had a kind and gentle soul. “It’s not your fault, either.”

            She hugged Kara tighter, her hands unconsciously gripping the back of Kara’s shirt. “I’ve lost so much, but I’ve always been able to avoid losing myself. I’m just scared there’s some kind of countdown timer, you know? I feel like I might be a ticking time bomb and I don’t even know it.”

            Kara gave her a gentle squeeze, then brought one hand to rub her back. “I won’t let you lose yourself. Even if you start to lose your way, I will find you.” She finally couldn’t resist pressing a light kiss to Lena’s hair as she emphasized, “I will always find you, and I will always see the goodness in you.”

            A tremble ran through her shoulders. “I trust you, but everybody else has always left me. Even when they promised not to…”

            “That’s because you haven’t had a friend, or family, like me before. …You should have. You’ve always deserved to, okay? But you haven’t. Because I’m not going anywhere, no matter what.”

            She nodded, trying not to think about the fact that she had thought similarly of Jack. But… Kara was still different. More supportive of her. There was something else, too, that she just couldn’t quite put her finger on. Kara wouldn’t abandon her.

            They were silent for a while when Lena pulled away again, sitting up and giving Kara an incredibly serious look. “I need you to promise me something else.”

            Kara sat up, nervousness rising as she could tell this might be a difficult one. Promising to stay by Lena’s side and believe in her was as easy as breathing, because she could never do anything else… but Lena looked so serious that she could tell this might be an unpleasant request to agree to.

            “I know what you’re going to say at first, but please, hear me out.”

            “I will.” She didn’t know yet whether she could agree to more than that, but she would always at least hear what Lena had to say.

            Lena looked her right in the eyes. “If there ever comes a time where I do lose myself and no one can bring me back… If I start to act like Lex or Lillian, or it’s the only way to stop me from killing somebody, I want Supergirl or one of her allies to kill me.” She hated to put this on Kara, so she almost hoped it would be one of Supergirl’s allies rather than Kara herself. Unless Kara would feel more closure if she were the one to do it…

            “That time won’t come,” was all she could say, her chest in pain at the thought of it.

            “I want to believe that, too. At the same time, I _need_ a contingency plan.”

            “I don’t know that I can promise that.”

            Lena felt safe in the knowledge that Kara wasn’t going to say she agreed to something she didn’t actually agree to. That meant that if she could convince Kara why this was so important to her, she could probably count on her to keep her word. She took one of Kara’s hands in both of her own. “I know this is a terrible thing to have to ask of you, and I’m sorry. I really am. There just isn’t anyone else I can trust. To not give up on me too soon, but… to know when I’ve gone too far.”

            “How could I ever give up on you?” she asked, her voice choked, tears filling her eyes. She didn’t want to lose anybody else. She didn’t want to lose Lena.

            “Kara, if I ever kill anybody out of malice, I won’t be myself anymore. There won’t be coming back from that. Please, I—I just know it. If nobody killed me, the only other way to stop me would be to lock me up with Lex and my mother. Please, don’t let that happen to me…” Her voice broke with her last sentence. “I don’t want to spend the rest of my life like that. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with them. I would rather be dead!” Her tears threatened to spill, and she released Kara’s hand to clench her own into fists, fighting them back.

            She held her again, just barely holding back tears herself. “Okay,” she finally said, hiding her face in Lena’s hair as she started to cry. “If the only other option is jail… I’ll make sure that somebody… d-does as you asked. But I also promise that we will try everything – _everything_ – to bring you back to yourself first.”

            Lena nodded, clinging to Kara, feeling barely able to speak. “Thank you,” she managed.

            “If it ever comes to that, I promise I’ll be with you in your last moments,” she promised, her voice breaking. “I won’t let you die alone, or without someone who cares about you.”

            “Thank you,” she said again, her voice choked, though her tears still not falling.

            Kara shook her head, because she had no idea what else she could say. Instead, they just held each other until exhaustion started to take over, first for Lena and then for Kara. “Do you think you could fall back asleep?”

            “I don’t know. Maybe, if you… wouldn’t mind staying? I have a guest room, or… wherever you would feel most comfortable. …If you think you can fall asleep.”

            “I think some sleep would be good for both of us,” she murmured, pulling away and laying down on her side and opening her arms in a silent invitation to cuddle. “Would this be okay?”

            Lena nodded, laying down and bringing the blanket up before returning the hug that was given, cuddling into her. “Thank you for everything, Kara. I’m really glad I have you in my life.”

            She nuzzled closer. “I’m really glad, too.”

            Hugging her tighter for just a moment, Lena let her tiredness wash over her until the next thing she knew, she was drifting off.


End file.
